“No distractions”

There’s a certain romance to dating and marrying a footballer- that ARENA TV has a show devoted to being a WAG is testament to that. Reality, however seems a little different.

I love pieces of “journalism” like this: removing the wives, girlfriends and children from a player’s life makes them more able to concentrate on the important stuff – chasing & kicking a ball. Perceived slumps are attributed to having a wife and child at home (a la Judd), and it’s considered wise to LEAVE YOUR PARTNER HOME ALONE WITH TRIPLETS while you sleep at your parents’ home the night before a game: 24+ times per year!

Ladies: learn from this. For the sake of the team, when he’s playing in Melbourne, try to make your home as much like a hotel room as possible so that he may simulate the distraction-free environment of an interstate trip.

  • In the presence of your husband DON’T attempt to interact – it’s distracting.
  • Keep any cleaning chores for while he is outside the house. Make sure he can return to a clean home.
  • Keep the kids quiet. Actually take them over to your Mum’s or something
  • Invite his mates over to watch TV and play XBox and eat all the food in your fridge. The boys “like getting together”
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WAG Nation Homework

At WAG University, we take your edification very seriously (see last week’s lecture notes here). If we’ve learnt anything from Jacqui it’s that the world needs MORE opportunities for judgement and assessment. As this is an advanced masterclass, each week will focus on one WAG. This week: Terry Biviano, aka TBivvy

Question 1:

For each of the following scenarios, outline a conversational or narrative strategy to bring the conversation topic back to yourself

a) your good friend is showing her fashion show at fashion week and you want to offer your support to her on her special day

b) your good friend is worried about her boyfriend who is in surgery, and who might not be offered another contract if his injury turns out to be season-ending.

c) your partner reaches a career milestone (I don’t know; 100 sex scandal free days at his club?) and you are there to support HIM.

Although you can simply copy TBivvy’s answers from the show, bonus points will be allocated for creativity, lateral thinking and tenuous linkages.

Question 2:

You have 7 hours to prepare for an event. How will you allocate your time so that you are still able to arrive at the event late? The following points must be discussed:

  • Foot maintenance – including bunion care, callus removal, and hiding fungal infections with acrylic & gel overlays
  • Tanning and the gentle art of exfoliation: Orange on purpose
  • Hair – removal, straigtening, colouring, extending, bleaching, styling, and how to do a very high ponytail so tight it replaces the need for botox
  • Opportunities within this that may provide sources of stress; previous students have stressed about presenting an award to a haircare product, and whether they will arrive at an event in time to be photographed.

Exceptional students will focus on the more trivial and obscure elements of the task.

Question 3:

Identify which of the following is not amazing:

A tall, beautiful woman walking in a straight line in front of a crowd; a hairstyle created for a television awards show that you probably didn’t belong at since your show hadn’t even aired yet; your betrothal to a man who exercises for a living; the view from Mount Everest.

Justify your response.

Assessment requirements

Naturally all answers must be in first person. Only “I” and “me” statements will be given full marks. We statements are worth 0.5 of a full mark, so be careful when sharing the limelight with someone else

Remember to make everything sound grander, harder and more impressive than it actually is. Hyperbole is key!

Considerable latitude will be taken with spelling and grammar, and you are allowed to make up your own word, provided it sounds close to what the course coordinator thinks you mean. Remember: make yourself sound smart at all costs!

WAG Nation recap: What’d I miss? What’d I miss?

Previously on WAG Nation:

  • Chantelle is no longer a WAG, yet because she is the quintessential evil character is still on the show because she gives us all someone to judge, and it serves the underpinning narrative of the “slut” getting what’s coming to her so the rest of us insecure women feel better about ourselves.
  • Lynette experienced a bag emergency the likes of which I have never seen on television
  • Jana did a photo shoot. I’m sure I was told why, but honestly, I couldn’t give a rat’s arse
  • Terry got dressed up for something and panicked about all-the-attention-being-on-her-and-then-when-we-were-paying-attention-to-someone-else-because-they-ACTUALLY-did-something-she-turned-the-focus-back-on-to-herself
  • Jacqui continued to express an inordinate amount of interest in the quantity and quality of people Chantelle may have had sex with. Obviously such thoughts are nothing without an evaluation and moralistic judgement, which, thankfully, she was comfortable enough to share with us all. Repeatedly. I think she also lost her earrings or something? Oh, and she fell over and was rescued by her fiancee.

We’re all up-to-date? Good

Chantelle

You may recall last week that Chantelle had landed a presenting gig at the Logies, which Jacqui thought wasn’t very difficult. This is interesting given how hard Jacqui makes the skill of interacting with a camera on the show look (her scenes with Jarrad anyone?), but moving on. Chantelle has another presenting gig – this time a travel show. The travel show could have, with a few minor tweaks, been turned into a porn flick:

“So, have you ridden before?” “Yeah, just people though”

“Here, hold this helmet baby…”

She then gave the punters (and producers) what they wanted and got into her bikini for a spa shot. Two things struck me: she has the best boob job I have ever seen, and if I had a body like that I’d never wear clothes.

She then went to the Melbourne aquarium and called it an oceanarium, which caused great hilarity and jokes at her expense on twitter. The difference between an aquarium and an oceanarium is essentially size: an oceanarium is either a marine mammal park, or a large scale aquarium. I personally think it’s refreshing to see someone who clearly thinks something quite small seems exponentially bigger than it really is. This ability is reason #7 on my I-have-no-idea-why-Adam-ever-let-her-go list.

Later in the episode, Jacqui asked her for a referral to a dance teacher. Jacqui asks Chantelle for help, not because she needs it, but rather because she’s testing her: as soon as Chantelle says no (eg to modelling at a “night” when she had better things to do), Jacqui gets on camera and points out how many guys she’s dated, and questions what she actually does. I mean, Jacqui you didn’t need to ask Chantelle for an introduction to a dance teacher – you have google and could have researched it for yourself. Probably more entertaining though if there’s a chance Chantelle can’t help you and you get to denigrate her behind her back again…

Also, if you’d heard she and Adam had broken up, why did you feel the need to test if she was going to tell you? She doesn’t trust you because she thinks you slag her off behind her back (she’s right – you do), so why on earth would you think she’d want to share her pain with you? An alternative approach that many grown-ups who are trying to be friends with someone may use, is saying to them “hey babe, I heard about you and Adam. Are you ok?”, rather than asking about how her relationship with Adam is going and then expect her to spill her guts to you so you can add it to your judgement file.

Oh, and while we’re going Jacqui – you don’t need to point out how many people Chantelle has been with. It’s not relevant, and even if she’s humped the entire AFL, that still doesn’t give you, or anyone else, the right to sit in judgement on her. So she likes athletic guys – so do I. So they like her too – she’s gorgeous! AND I’m starting to think she has more class in her little finger than you do in your entire body: she hasn’t once been on camera talking about your sex life, and she hasn’t once been on camera passing judgement on the other girls. Not once. You have done BOTH of these things! You can call her not-very-bright if you want, you can not like her the way grown-ups sometimes just don’t like each other, but please don’t slut-shame her.

Jacqui

Jacqui and Jarrad are getting married. I’m not sure if you’ve picked up on that or not. Last week she was trying on wedding dresses, this week she and Jarrad are awkwardly discussing learning to dance for their wedding. Jarrad thinks he’s just fine as he is. Jacqui went to a dance lesson by herself. She’s also still “trying” to organise this VIP night which has been running over 4 episodes now – it’s apparently going to be quite the extravaganza. We think. It’s not organised, and there’s still no date, but they’re just minor details….Is anyone else starting to think Chantelle pulled out because she was concerned it was going to be a disorganised fiasco? No? Just me? Oh well, wait until next week.

Jana

Jana had a horrible show this week. First off she found out her face was too lopsided to model for Chadwick’s, then her boyfriend was injured in a game. The Chadwick’s guy (I tried to catch his name, but apathy made me forget it again) told her that she was too short and too loppy to earn a decent living as a model. She went to her other (?) agent who had the perfect solution: FHM, where they don’t give a toss about your face! I’m not sure when these episodes were recorded, so I’m also not sure if she ever made it onto the cover before FHM shut down. If she didn’t, that would make this week TRULY the worst week ever for her.

The main story, in true WAG Nation style, was around how Jana supported her man when he was injured. John hurt his ankle in a game and needed to go in for arthroscopic surgery. Jana’s mum came down to help, and she said to camera that she could see how happy John was in his face when she told him. I re-watched the episode, and I struggled to see the same relief and happiness that his mother in law was coming to visit while he was on crutches and incapable of escape. But I’m not a WAG, so what would I know?

Jana called in supportive reinforcements: TBivvy, who quickly reminded her of when “Mini” was injured and how she reacted. I’m sure TBivvy’s experiences were a tremendous source of support for our little WAG. Perhaps she wanted to just talk to someone who understood, but TBivvy gave her more than that: she was able to show her she knew exactly what Jana was going through and Jana couldn’t didn’t need to say anything! If only I had a friend like Terry.

Terry Biviano (aka TBivvy)

Terry had a big week this week: she’s decided to get in shape for her wedding. Obviously women go to great lengths to look their best on their special day, and TBivvy’s no exception. She’s determined to get fit! She’s paying a personal trainer! And showing up 20min late. With full make-up and immaculate hair. To her credit, she showed up late because she didn’t want to train hard. This makes total sense. In the real world though, if we didn’t want to train, we probably wouldn’t hire a personal trainer.

Then TBivvy showed us what she was like in a crisis. When Jana “was over her side of town” she went and met her at a coffee shop. TBivvy relayed her experiences with Mini’s injuries, which were, obviously and understandably, much more serious than John’s. And after all, John’s could have been much worse – he could’ve injured his back or his neck and never walked again. So, Jana, turn that frown upside down and be a trooper, because even though your boyfriend’s career could be over and you’re also unemployed, he might’ve never walked again. Now let’s talk about how hard I found it when Mini came out of surgery…

Lynette

Lynette recovered from the bag fiasco last week (I haven’t quite recovered from the excitement, however. I’m still shaking!) and this week attended a lunch with a few hundred other women, lauding the Sydney Swans. Lyn is delightful, but I felt very awkward watching her interaction with the woman who thought Jude was all that AND a bag of chips. I got the feeling that the conversation ended with a trailing off sentence along the lines of “yeah, so…. Oh look – more canapes!”.

I actually really loved how she pointed out that the Swans WAGs all had jobs and their own lives and they didn’t spend their days eating lunches and drinking champagne, however I think the editors of the show undermined her statement by showing WAGs eating lunch and sipping champagne.

Sneak peek of next week

Next week it looks like all the girls will get drunk, and Jacqui will be able to once again express her moral outrage over Chantelle’s inability to “keep herself tidy” (yes, welcome to 1953!). Jana will probably do something to make TBivvy overcome her Botox to ALMOST have a facial expression, and Lynette will say something out of character when prompted and cajoled by the camera and production crews.

Husband Hunting

Candidate #1: Ash, from Series 5 of Dating in the Dark Australia.

Image

Background:

Ashley (check him out here) works in insurance and describes the women he works with as married, paired-off, and “they’re gonna hate me for this” BORING! Interestingly, despite the fact that he ALSO works in insurance, he seems to think he’s not boring too. Hmm I’m intrigued. Continue Ash.

Don’t be put off by the receded hairline at 25, he’s quite the physical specimen. As he so eloquently phrases it “women have said many features of him, one is probably his arms and his forearms. And that’s about it really”. Aside from forearms being arguably a subcategory of “arms”, and listing 1.5 features hardly counts as “many”, is there any better sales line than someone saying features of you? I’m not quite sure what happens when I say features of someone, but it sounds AWESOME! Bonus points for flexing in front of a mirror, expecting that it will make the chicks hot.

What do I really need to know before I lose myself in love and start singing Air Supply songs?

How on earth is an awesome and apparently delectable catch like Ash the Insurer and Possessor of both Arms and Forearms still single? According to Ash, there are two key reasons: perfection and luck. He always looks for perfection in a lady and is frustrated when they prove to be imperfect. And hey – with a brain like the one that makes him refer to himself in the third person when telling blow-job stories, and the fact that he has arms AND forearms, I don’t think perfection from a potential mate is too much to ask. God I hope I can measure up. And as he said, he’s probably always in the wrong place at the wrong time and probably the wrong bar or the wrong club. Just a coincidence. Totally.

His main hobby is easy: fitness. Watch him do a one-armed push-up.  He loves everything to do with gym, personal training and fitness. He works out for 0”God I don’t know how long”: a statement seemingly at odds with his love of all things gym, personal training and fitness. Although I’d like to introduce Ash to leg workouts somewhere along the way, I respect his ability to wear baggy knee length shorts everywhere we ever go, should I be lucky enough to catch his eye.

Where is he? I must have him!

We could try looking in the Botanical Gardens in the City of Sydney where he once got a root among the trees, with “a girl he met while he was working with her”. One can only assume this wasn’t one of those boring women he works with at his current workplace. Don’t let me hear you say this magnificent sexual delicacy isn’t classy though – he once almost ejaculated at a petrol station while stopped for a pie, and only held off because the police pulled up alongside him.

Oh my God, he sounds perfect. I wonder how he’ll propose!

Thankfully Ash didn’t keep the thousands of women who, by this stage must have been barely restraining themselves from breaking into the Dating in the Dark House, in suspense. He sees proposing marriage as akin to neutering. He’d just hang it (presumably a ring, not the balls he cut off when he bought the ring) ”from a tree and “I don’t know, tell her to go and get it”.

Ash? Baby? Call me! You sound PERFECT!

Understanding Men: mixed signals, game playing, and “closure”

I am “one of the boys”. I have been since I was 19, and I’m no longer considered by these guys to have a gender – on the one hand they know I”m not like them, but on the other they think nothing of getting naked in front of me, in a totally non-sexual way. Because of this, many of my girlfriends, and women I barely know, use me for relationship advice. I am told about in minute detail about the tone of voice he used, the relevant pauses, and the speed of response. I am told about how they were getting along so well but then he just backed off, and now he’s playing games, and they were talking to their friend Cheryl at work and now they’re convinced he thinks she’s a psycho stalker, so she should just send a message telling him she’s not…..

I think what I am supposed to say, in honour of the sisterhood, is “Babe, you’re too good for him”. But I can’t help see things through his eyes also, and in many cases where “He’s” being accused of sending mixed signals or playing games, he’s really not.

  • Mixed signals are the difference between what you want to see from him, and what he actually does.
  • Game playing is the difference between the fantasy scenario you have conducted in your head of what he’ll do next, and the reality of what he actually does
  • Sending that message “just for closure” is always, 100% of the time, a bad idea that will get you nowhere.

I’m not trying to have a dig at women or men here, I’m just trying to demystify some of his behaviours without resorting to the Sex and the City-style dramatics that many women were raised on. Most men aren’t consciously being jerks 99% of the time, there’s just a gap between fantasy and reality

“He keeps sending me mixed signals”

Mixed signals don’t actually exist. Rather, they arise when there is a difference between what someone wants to happen, and what is actually happening. The bigger the gap, the more “mixed” the signals you think He’s giving off. You know that mental filter that makes you only see red cars after you’ve been talking about red cars?  It’s the same thing: you see everything through a lens of “He secretly likes me, He’s just afraid to show it”.

How do I know you’re doing this? Simple. You tell me that “it wasn’t what He said, it was how He said it” or “you weren’t there, you don’t know!” or “but He replied like, really fast”.  You need to stop that;  if you were to write down the words that He said and hand them to a stranger – that is what He meant. Quite simply, He means exactly what He said; how He said it is irrelevant.

Men aren’t really capable of generating hidden meanings and they don’t understand subtlety. How do I know? Advertising aimed at men is still focussed on boobs, bums and beer. Men don’t notice you had a haircut, they usually have no idea you’re pissed with them, let alone knowing the reason why!  Given they are utterly clueless in receiving these messages, how likely do you think they are to have embedded their secret (passion/love/loathing/contempt/emotionally neutral) feelings for you in a five-word text message?

Ladies, please save yourself a lot of time and brain-power and stop giving them more literary credit than they’re due. Put down the phone, and spend your spare time relaxing with your friends, having your own life, reading a great book; not analysing His behaviour.

“He’s such a game player”

Men don’t play as many relationship games as women seem to think they play. They play Playstation, Xbox, or real sports, but the thrill of making someone twist in the wind is way too boring for them to consciously do.

What we women interpret as game playing is usually His way of minimising His effort while still achieving maximum results. For example, you go out and He’s super-attentive and adorable and lovely and you can’t wait to see Him again. He’s 100% focussed on you and it’s awesome. Then you get a “I had a really good time” message the next day, so you reply. And you don’t get a reply back from Him. So you start to get paranoid. Then you text Him again and you only get a brief reply. So you text again, all the while imagining that He’s got what he wants from you and He’s such an ass for playing hard to get, and you’re sick of all these guys and their relationship games!

Here’s a secret that will change your life: the same concentration He gave to you on that awesome date, where He was so adorable and attentive and you could totally imagine having his babies, is the same level of concentration He probably puts into whatever it is he is doing. So when you don’t hear back from Him and you know He was “only” playing video games, He was probably giving that video game the same concentration He gave you. Was He hanging out with his mates? He was probably giving them the same focus He gave you. He learnt that skill somewhere; just think of it as an example of what you love about someone is also what drives you crazy about them.

And to turn that around, if He replies immediately to every single one of your messages, that means He’s not paying full attention to what He’s doing. This, of course, makes you feel really special in the early days, but once the initial glow wears off, this constant distraction will shit you to tears. Again, what you love about someone is also what drives you crazy about them.

“I think I just need closure”

No. No you don’t. Never do this. This is the worst idea ever. Especially for a relationship of less than three months, or in any relationship where you haven’t had “the talk”. If you have this urge, sleep on it. Then if you still feel like sending a message in the morning, go for a run, go to the gym, do absolutely anything you need to do to distract yourself. Then, when you can hold out no longer, turn off your phone, and give it to a friend. Whatever you do, do not send this message.

Why? He probably doesn’t think there is anything to “close”. The best parts of most of the relationships I’ve ever had existed only in my head. In my head I get all angry and righteous and say exactly the right thing for maximum effect. Of course he responds as any logical man would: by immediately seeing the error of his ways, realising he was an insensitive and/or thoughtless ass and then begging for my forgiveness by bringing me Tim Tams at 2am.

You see, you don’t want closure. You want him to understand and validate your feelings, and realise the error of his ways and do what you want him to do. The very reason why you want “closure” is probably because he was totally incapable of doing that.  If you only wanted closure, you’d buy your own Tim Tams, delete his number and messages from your phone, and move on, and he’d never need to know about it. In fact, do that. Whatever you do, don’t give him the ammunition he needs to write you off as That Psycho Chick.

What is the worst that can happen if you DON’T get “closure”? He’ll never know what an ass he is? He’ll never know what an awesome chick he missed out on? Trust me, it’s better he learns both of these things through personal experience.

WAG Nation: a modern day fairytale

My twitter followers (@Catriona_A) would be aware of my obsession passion for the Arena TV show WAG Nation. WAG Nation is a show that purports to “follow the lives of five wives and girlfriends of some of Australia’s most famous sporting stars”. It is billed as an insight into the ” highs and lows of supporting a professional sporting career while managing the daily pressures of having a relationship spread across the tabloids”.  WAG Nation, I love you, but this description is complete bullshit.

WAG Nation: a modern day fairy tale

In any fairy tale, a dashing hero happens upon a damsel in distress, they fall in love, overcome some obstacles put in their way by an evil female character, and then they kiss and live happily ever after.

The hero

Our heroes are dashing, and brave, and handsome. They are usually handsome princes, or wealthy men, who can provide for a woman. They go about their daily lives slaying dragons, defending those who aren’t able to defend themselves, and being generally awesome. They are very highly sought after by the women in stories – in Cinderella there was even a ball where all the single ladies put on a show to hope to catch his eye – and although it’s never explicitly stated in the fairy tales, it’s reasonable to assume that he is offered wenches and wine as a reward for his dragon-slaying. In effect, he is drinking and rooting his way around the fairy tale kingdom in return for keeping us all safe.

In the Australian sporting landscape, male athletes are essentially created heroes. The masculinity created by sport is one where the players are fighting tooth and nail to defend the honour of their teammates, their club and their fans. You only have to read media articles to hear them described as “warriors”, “gladiators” or “heroes to youngsters”. They slay metaphorical dragons on the field, they lay demons to rest. In the rubric of sport, these are all standard phrases.

In the sporting landscape, the hero is still expected to be rewarded with wenches and wine. These wenches are supposed to be available on tap, keep their mouths shut and their legs open, and be willing participants in whatever comes. And if they don’t, the media interest will punish them. In the sentiments of the great philosopher Spida Everitt, women don’t go home with a footballer for a cup of Milo- they know what they’re doing. And if they do this with more than one footballer in their lifetimes, then they are a wench who is there for the taking by all of them.

A feature of fairy tales is how the hero (our handsome prince) does some pretty everyday, routine things and gets way more credit for them than they’re worth. For example, in Cinderella, he found her shoe and returned it, in Sleeping Beauty, he pashed a sleeping woman (which raises all sorts of consent issues in itself), and in Rapunzel he climbed up her hair and built a ladder. In WAG Nation, Jared walked beside his partner who had rolled her ankle, found some ice and put it on her ankle. We are meant to believe that because he is a heroic footballer, he knew what to do with a rolled ankle. I would argue that any twelve-year-old with a first aid certificate could do the same thing. Oh yeah, and earlier in the episode he brought her in a pair of earrings that she liked. That’s also totally heroic. Like the ANZACs.

The damsel-in-distress: our heroines

A heroine must be dainty, subservient, pretty but unaware of it, smart (but not “too smart” for her own good) and chaste. And any deviation from that is punished with a negative characterisation – these women become villains. She must initially resist his advances (to prove she’s not a tramp, and so he can be sure that any progeny she bears is the fruit of his loins) but when she gives in, they live happily ever after in his castle. She starts out pretty yet downtrodden and unaware of her extraordinary beauty, but when she meets her handsome prince, she becomes beautiful.

We saw the importance of the initial resistance to the prince in the episode where the couples all came together at a teppanyaki restaurant to awkwardly discuss how they got together: all the girls who were there were APPALLED that their guy had even tried to kiss them the night/day they first met. They resisted at first, but then their man pursued them, and eventually won them over. And they are all living happily ever after. Obviously it’s up to the woman to resist the man, rather than the man to not look for sex, because they’re sporting “heroes” and it’s ‘natural’ and a ‘biological imperative’ for them to have sex.

The villian

We learned in the first episode that Chantelle wasn’t to be trusted. With her height, her body, her penchant for low-cut tops and short dresses and her “having dated a couple of people before” she had clearly deviated from the dainty, subservient and chaste requirements that were required to fit into the heroine mould. So she was made a villain and largely excluded from the group. There are thousands of women across Australia (including me) who would kill for her body or her height, and many of us have also “dated a couple of people before” however in the construct of the WAG Nation fairy tale, she is the villain who has been demonised by being a “slut”. I can’t remember the episode where she told us how many men she’d slept with, nor can I remember the formal social criteria for slut-dom, but I am sure the producers wouldn’t have simply implied she was a whore for no reason, other than for the purposes of making it a better story… oh, hang on.

WAG Nation is a story that has been created to fit within the narrative of sporting heroes in Australia. It supports the constructed masculinity of sport where men are warriors and their women show their support by being the shiniest ornament. Essentially we’re being shown a story that reinforces that a woman’s real value is by being a shiny ornament, winning the competition between women to land the ultimate prize of the handsome prince’s love.

The reality

Terry Biviano designs stunning shoes, and runs a business empire that is continuing to grow. She probably makes more money than Anthony Minichiello does. Lynette has gone out on her own in business which, for anyone in this economic climate, is a brave move. Not only has she gone out on her own, the job that was shown in her first episode came to her company because she was respected in her industry, not because she was married to a footballer. Although Jude may be earning more than Lynette right now, once his career is over, she will be the primary breadwinner. Jackie has owned and run a retail business in the midst of one of the largest retail downturns in history, when online shopping is seemingly taking over. There is so much more to running any business than is shown on WAG Nation, and it is hard for anyone to do successfully. *

The producers of WAG Nation hope we ask “Oh my God, these women are crazy. What do these guys see in them?” Perhaps what we should be asking instead is what do these women see in these men? And what is it about a man who exercises for a living (yes, call it what you want, but he earns money by exercising!) that makes him such a great catch, anyway? To put it another way: if Anthony “The Count” Minichiello worked behind a bar instead of being a football player, and he was dating one of Australia’s most-talented footwear designers who is also rather gorgeous, how many people would say that he is batting above his average? Punching above his weight? And given that I’d never heard of Chantelle’s Adam, what is it about him that makes us automatically assume Chantelle isn’t good enough for him? I mean, if you look at them on a strictly superficial basis, he’s massively overachieving.

By constructing WAG Nation as a fairy tale, the men automatically become acceptable and credible, while their wives and girlfriends have to be gorgeous; well-groomed; stylish; smart, but not too intelligent; successful; and supportive of every aspect of their partner’s career. We judge these women without even glancing at their partners. We see even the smallest good deed by a man as a heroic act, rather than something that he should be expected to do (support his partner).

Why do I love it?

I don’t understand WWE-style wrestling and I probably never will. Until now, I’ve never understood the obsession with a sport that is so comfortable with 80% of people watching it knowing it’s fake. But millions of people love it, they get behind the fabricated story lines, and they cheer on their heroes and villains, and they talk about the exploits of their wrestlers: despite the dichotomy of reality vs entertainment, and stage-names vs real-life, it’s in some way real to them.

That’s how I feel about WAG Nation: I know that I’m watching entertainment rather than real-life, the women are simply voices to a script that had been planned long before any of them agreed to do it. When I’m tweeting my usual harsh and bitchy comments, I do so knowing that I’m not intending to attack someone personally, but rather the character they are playing on a television show.

What concerns me though is that while the majority of people watching wrestling know it’s fake, the majority of people who watch WAG Nation think it’s real. And why wouldn’t they think it’s real? It follows every fairy tale we were brought up on, and it tells us that we can feel superior to people we’re better than them. It’s reinforcing all those beliefs that we don’t even realise we hold.

*I don’t mean to imply that Jana and Chantelle aren’t doing anything, I have left them out because I don’t know anything about them.